Understanding Scorpio’s Need for Solitude within a Relationship
The Scorpio man says “I love you” and then ignores your calls for two weeks.
The Scorpio woman spills her deepest secrets and then goes ghost and acts like your increasing intimacy was just an illusion.
What? How did a promising duo, suddenly become a solo?!
Scorpios require extreme amounts of alone time where they withdraw from everyone into complete solitude, yet they need to bond deeply with people. Seems like a paradox, eh?
Romantic mates of Scorpios find this seemingly contrasting need to attach and detach to be rather maddening. How can a sign that aches deeply for intimacy and bonding suddenly cut off contact and go underground?
Pluto’s in charge, honey. Pay attention. Scorpio’s zodiac ruler, Pluto, operates a life and death cycle in all the affairs of the Scorpio. This closeness and alienation are a part of that. The cycle allows Scorpio to regenerate. It almost always follows some extreme sharing or loss that has depleted Scorpio’s emo-energy.
Any time there is intense intimacy, there is the possibility that a break will be needed to process it — or explore life solo to find new energy to bring back to the relationship in order to keep it growing.
It helps to remember that Scorpios never really detach during these routine trips underground, if they are in fact in love; even when gone, their hearts are still cleaving to the ones they love. If they are only in deluded lust or infatuation, that too may become clear during a break. In that case, you may not see them again.
The Relationship Impact
On the surface, Scorpio’s disappearing act may seem reckless and destructive to a relationship; on the contrary, though, it helps Scorpio sustain the meaningful bond. And while you suffer, Scorpios likely suffer more than their mates.
It’s not unheard of for Scorpios to use disappearances as a form of self-denial when they fear they are overwhelmed by their love or compulsion to bond too much. Self-imposed distance is a good antidote to the Scorpio’s fear of falling too fast or too irrationally. This lessens or increases the closeness according to Scorpio’s desires.
In addition to slowing the maddening descent into the clutches of love and lust, distance can simply shake things up and keep the relationship viable. Remember, Scorpio likes intensity and heat; without taking a break, the hot Scorpio passion will without doubt burn out; one can only love at a high-octane level for so long without fatigue. Soon or later, Scorpio will need to put out the fire and then light the blaze again.
Furthermore, Scorpios find non-change to be tedious in relationships. Breaks can skew the path of the relationship just enough to make things a little edgy, a bit new — or make you a little desperate for cuddling.
In keeping with the transformative Plutonic life-death cycle, Scorpios essentially let a relationship “die”a little in absence so they can come back and revive it again with a new sense of melding, reaffirmation and dynanism. If the bond can’t be revived with equal or greater passion, then it really wasn’t worth the Scorpio’s trouble anyway. Was it?
Don’t be surprised if your relationship with a Scorpio has eight lives, involving rough breakups and romantic reunions over the years. The Scorpio will go through his or her own death and resurrection during these absences as well. ( The Scorpio doesn’t have The Phoenix as its alternate symbol for nothing. )
Giving Scorpio His or Her Own Lair
To ensure your Scorpio is reborn or re-energized properly during his or her absence, be considerate about allowing the Scorpio a personal lair (i.e. a quintessential Scorpio Den; every Scorpio needs one) that is protected and never invaded during “underground” time. Well, if you come bearing whipped cream and nipple clamps, you might get in — but don’t count on it.
A Scorpio needs a defined retreat place — the more private and secluded the better. Since castles with secret hallways and dungeons are hard to come by, Scorpio often chooses any safe, simple mainstream retreat: a hotel, a cave, some mystery hangout no one knows about, another apartment away from you or another room right there under your nose.
If you live together, don’t be surprised if a Scorpio keeps a separate hangout or private bedroom aside from your communal bedroom. Even committed Scorpio relationships need those bond-break-bond-break cycles.
The Scorpio’s Aversion to the Suffocating Presence of Others
Scorpio is an individualistic sign. They don’t travel in herds. It’s not that they despise others, but rather that they appreciate the self and find their inner souls fascinating. Sometimes, they just want to privately savor the self.
A Scorpio simply cannot be around anyone 24-7, particularly for days or weeks at a time. They will feel crowded and respond with silence, passivity, or blistering comments designed to needle you away from them. They might just need a couple of hours or they might need a day. Occasionally more. If you notice any of that behavior, for the sake of your relationship, give them keys to some cabin in the woods and promise to be there for them when they get back. Hopefully, Scorpios will subtract themselves before the agitation grows too much. Let them miss you. Then, they’ll be back and you won’t be boringly “familiar.”
Maybe You Should Leave…?
If you think this is an option, you apparently wish to be stalked and grilled about your whereabouts and who you’ve been with. Since Scorpios are territorial and like to control their environments and relationships, any plan you have to go off on some spontaneous retreat will trigger Scorpio’s capture-and-tranquilize instincts. Sure, you can apprise Scorpio weeks or months in advance of some rare vacation you need to take, but if you suddenly just vanish … well, you quite frankly have a death wish. As far as Scorpios are concerned, they vanish — not their mates.
Things to Do Before and During a Scorpio’s Absence
- Reassure them of your love. Scorpios find it hard to withdraw without sensing that the love they want will be there upon return.
- Have new experiences that give you new energy to bring back to the relationship. Scorpios will not stay in a static relationship.
- Don’t create the appearance that you’ve bonded with another lover while they were gone.
- Most of all, make their return a passionate event. Plan for your first night back together and enjoy the new spark.
© 2012 – 2013, Synthia L. Rose. All rights reserved.